


Ineffable - Chapter 5

by SoldiersWar



Series: Ineffable [5]
Category: Bucky Barnes - Fandom, Captain America, James Buchanan Barnes - Fandom, MCU, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Winter Soldier - Fandom, captain america: the winter soldier - Fandom, the winter soldier - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Brooklyn, Captain America - Freeform, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff, Nightmares, steve rogers - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-06-12 09:05:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15336486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoldiersWar/pseuds/SoldiersWar
Summary: Hi everyone. Thank you so much for making it this far, I love every single one of you.Please bear with me with these flashbacks, I feel like their so essential to the story, and I'd hate to get rid of them. And trust me, you'll be getting some Hydra Winter Soldier stuff too.Let me know how you like the series so far.Sending all of my love,~J~





	Ineffable - Chapter 5

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone. Thank you so much for making it this far, I love every single one of you.   
> Please bear with me with these flashbacks, I feel like their so essential to the story, and I'd hate to get rid of them. And trust me, you'll be getting some Hydra Winter Soldier stuff too.   
> Let me know how you like the series so far.   
> Sending all of my love,  
> ~J~

I couldn’t believe that it had already been a year since I started my training with Hydra. I was finally an agent after so much, but what seemed like so little time in Russia. I could lie and say that I wouldn’t miss it. But the truth was, I had made so many amazing memories there, and I learned to really develop into such a different person. A person that I wanted to be and that person was no longer just a weak little girl.  
I was proud of the fact that I had walked in barely knowing how to even throw a punch, into becoming one of the most skilled students in my age group in just a year. I was a girl who could defend herself against men three times my size, and I could get tasks done.   
“Are you ready for your evaluation?” questioned Alexander as he walked me down the hallway toward my new place.   
“Is that a serious question?” I scoffed. I could tell that he noticed that I was very different now with my tone of voice. I was no longer quiet and polite, but now I could speak my mind with pure confidence.  
“That’s what I want to hear,” He chuckled under his breath.   
There were many so-called factions in Hydra, with different facilities all over the world. Many agents of Hydra were even hidden within S.H.I.E.L.D, which was run and overlooked by some of Hydra’s biggest members, including Alexander himself. I wasn’t one of those agents. I was put in another special group of theirs of their elite, young, agents. Everyone ranged from the ages of 16 to their early thirties. Under giant apartment complex in Washington D.C, there was a whole underground facility for training, mission briefings, and basically any other Hydra business that was going on. The apartment complex was where we all lived. The whole facility felt like a college dorm. Or, at least what I imagined a dorm to be like. From what I saw in the pictures, the rooms had everything a normal apartment had except for kitchens. But that was because there were meals available for us in the underground area, or we could just go out and eat as we pleased. It really did amaze me that all of this was hidden in plain sight in the middle of Washington, just 4 miles away from where I used to live, and nobody ever had a clue of what was going on.  
We finally stopped in front of what was to be my new place.   
“Well,” said Alexander.   
“I’m going to let you settle in, and I’ll see you in a few hours for evaluations, okay?”   
I nodded in response, and he went on his way.   
I reached in my bag, fumbling for the temporary key that I had before they would officially set the retina scan on my door.   
“Well, you’re new.” I suddenly heard from behind me as triumphantly took out the key.   
I whipped my body around to see who it was.   
There was a guy, leaning on his doorway. He was tall, had dark hair, and golden eyes…And he was looking at me up and down.   
“What was your first clue?” I replied to the guy’s sudden remark.   
“Well…Either Hydra’s gotten really good at disguises, or you’re not a 6’2, 300-pound guy named Carl.” he joked.   
“I don’t know, dude.” I played along somewhat passively.   
“10 pounds and a voice change can go a long way.”   
He smiled, completely and utterly amused with our brief exchange nonchalantly making his way over to me, holding his hand out to shake mine. I looked at it for a moment before deciding to actually be polite for once. I was going to live across the hall from him, after all.   
“I’m Adam,” he said, smiling like the biggest charmer of all the land. I smiled at him, nodding wondering what exactly to do next.  
“Well, Adam. It was really nice meeting you.” I said quickly before swiveling around and entering my room in one swift movement.  
…  
Present Day  
Once again, I was awake.   
If anything, I was just grateful that it wasn’t one of those nights again where I would wake up screaming, sometimes with scratches all over myself, including my face.   
I didn’t always have nightmares, but when I did they were just horrible memories flooding back into my head of some the horrible things that I had done. Sometimes, those were worse than horrifying visions of dead bodies around me. Sometimes, those bodies all around me were just memories too.  
Yes, sometimes I did get the occasional good memory. Those were the memories of laughter and pure bliss that made me never want to open my eyes again to reality. But they always sent me into the darkest places.   
I laid there on my bed paralyzed with sadness, wishing I could go back to one of those good dreams again, no matter how bad the consequences.   
The thought of Hydra made me want to be sick, but I still longed for those times where I was happy. The times where I experienced beautiful memories of people I would always hold dear to my heart.   
I finally willed myself to get up, even though once again, it was only three in the morning. Considering the fact that all I did was hide out in my apartment, for the most part, hours of the day didn’t mean that much to me. In fact, staying up in the middle of the night was a little bit comforting.  
The night was so dark, and it was a time where everyone was asleep, and everything was still. I always loved that in smaller cities like these, in the night time it was like time had stopped altogether. It was the only time of day where I could feel the most at peace if I knew what internal peace felt like at all anymore.   
When I walked out of my room, I realized that I wasn’t the only one awake. James was sitting on the couch staring blankly at the tv. It was pretty normal for me to find him awake, he didn’t sleep much. If at all.  
We had been living together for about two months now. I really didn’t mind his company at all. In fact, I almost preferred it. He often kept to himself, and sometimes stayed in his room for days, much like I did myself. But some nights we’d stay up and chat a little bit, like that first night two months ago.   
I jumped on to the other side of the couch from him. He turned to me, actually noticing my presence for the first time since I had left my room.   
“Can’t sleep, either?” he sighed, not having taken his eyes off of the screen.   
“Slept like a baby, what are you talking about?” I joked, taking my attention away from the TV to his face.   
I could tell that he wasn’t actually watching what was in front of us, but he was deep in thought. His expression was tense, focused, and if I wasn’t mistaken tortured. He was thinking about the past too because there was no way he was that concentrated on a cheesy 1-hour infomercial on stackable Tupperware.   
After about 5 minutes of aimlessly flipping through channels, I decided that I couldn’t take it anymore and made my way to the front door.   
“Where are you going?” James asked as he watched me throw my jean jacket on.   
“For a walk,” I replied nonchalantly hoping that he’d want to come along.  
“Mind if I join?”   
Just as I had anticipated, everything was quiet in the city around us. There was only the sound of a few obscure cars or the distant sound of a frantic ambulance.   
James’s company was nice. I really did like having him around, and the thought of him leaving one day did make me kind of sad. However, he hadn’t expressed any plans of going anywhere anytime soon, which make me feel a bit relieved. It made me wonder if he was just as comfortable with me as I was with him.   
There was something about when we were around each other that would give me a sort of comfort that I hadn’t felt in a long time.   
“Scarlette, are you alright?” he sighed.  
I was a little surprised at his sudden question after almost 10 minutes of walking in silence.   
I cleared my throat,   
“Yeah, fine.” I attempted to sound more optimistic than I felt.   
“Why do you ask?”  
“No reason,” he said, continuing the silence for a few more steps. But I knew that there was more he wanted to say.   
I gave him a soft nudge with my elbow. He knew that I knew he was holding back.  
“Never mind,” he shook his head, retreating his next comments.   
I crossed my arms and made him look at me for a second, mentally telling him that I wasn’t going to just let him not say what he was thinking.  
“It’s just…you don’t tend to go out walking in the middle of the night unless you have a lot of things on your mind.”   
I didn’t really know what to answer to that. It was endearing, the thought of how he started to notice little things I did, just as I did him. Especially when he was no better off than I was. It’s not like I didn’t hear him screaming in the middle of the night during the few hours he’d actually sleep. Or how some days he was a lot quieter, and much deeper in thought than he already was. And it’s not like I didn’t notice that for the most part, those bright blue eyes of his hid a darkness behind them beyond anything anyone could imagine.   
“You know those times when you’re just flooded with memories? Not just bad, but good too? And you just…” I drifted off not knowing how to finish my sentence.   
“Don’t know what to make of it all? Yeah.” He said, completing my thought.  
“Are you going to be okay?” I asked, genuinely. I noticed a hint of a cynical smile manifesting n the corner of his lips. And if I wasn’t mistaken, a little twinkle in his eyes. It was barely noticeable, but I saw it as he looked at me, causing my heart to skip a suspicious beat.  
“Do you remember what your life was like before Hydra? Before, I guess everything turned to shit?”  
I wondered at that moment if I had overstepped. Maybe there was too much that I shouldn’t have opened up. But in all honesty, I just selfishly wanted to be distracted from my own mind. But what I noticed was that he didn’t look very sad after I had asked what I just did. In fact, another small smile came up on the corner of his lips. This one a little more definite.  
“Um…Yeah, I think-I think I do.” He replied.   
We walked for what could have probably been another 2 hours. He told me stories about him and his best friend running around New York having the best of times. How from the time that they were little boys they would cause trouble, get into trouble, get in trouble, and how dumb his friend used to be because he’d be the one to start it half of the time. His friend used to always get into fights with guys who were twice his size, and how James used to have to keep an eye on him all the time to bail him out of those stupid decisions before he’d get himself killed in alleyways.   
“Yeah,” he sighed.   
“He was a little punk.”  
There was a certain light to his eyes when he spoke about those times with his friend that happened so long ago. It made me completely forget about my own troubles seeing him like that.   
It was kind of a new side of him that I had never really seen before, and I really liked it. I wondered what they looked like together, being boys running around Brooklyn. I wondered what his friend looked like, what his name was, how small and scrappy he actually was. If he even was at all, I mean James was huge. He could make the average gym rat run away with their protein shakes between their legs.  
I let out a long yawn, even though I didn’t feel all that tired yet. But the cold November air was getting to me, and I was ready to go home. When James saw me yawn, he was the one that suggested we get back.   
When we got back home, we decided to just settle back onto the couch to watch whatever late night movie was on TV.  
                                                             …  
“Scarlette…Scarlette, wake up.”    
I jolted up at the faint voice calling my name. I felt tears streaming down my eyes, along with my entire body shaking uncontrollably. I couldn’t remember what I was dreaming about, but I knew that by the way I was woken up, it wasn’t good.   
“Are you okay?” James’s voice was full of concern.  
I suddenly felt incredibly embarrassed noticing that I had most likely unintentionally fallen asleep on his shoulder. I couldn’t even remember when I had fallen asleep.   
More tears started to stream down my eyes, and I couldn’t stop.  
“I’m sorry.” I sobbed.   
“I didn’t mean to.”  
“It’s fine,” He shushed,   
“Don’t worry about it.” His right hand was on my shoulder, I guess in an attempt to calm me down.   
“I don’t even know what I was dreaming about, this is so stupid,” I said, wiping my tears with my sleeves, feeling embarrassed, and upset for reasons I couldn’t completely understand.   
“You were talking in your sleep.” He said softly, almost in whispers.   
“You seemed really upset, I thought I should get you out of it,” he said.  
“What was I saying?” I asked, hoping I didn’t say anything too crazy, finally able to stop the tears.  
“You were calling for someone named Adam…”


End file.
